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D’oh ~
Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! ~
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman ~
Save me, Jeebus ~
You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way ~
Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! ~
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs ~
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try ~
Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems ~
When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! ~
Homer no function beer well without ~
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice ~
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own
mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! ~
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true! ~
You don’t win friends with salad ~
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen ~
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it ~
Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? ~
Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people ~
I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! ~
Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk ~
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker ~
I hope I didn’t brain my damage ~
Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution ~
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get ~
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flamin ~
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos ~
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